Things I have survived in my short life thus far...

12.22.08

In Roughly Chronological Order:

Being named "Seamus" in America.

A giant sequoia falling on my family's first house.

An earthquake destroying my family's second house.

A dysfunctional family.

An assortment of fistfights and brawls.

A freak lightning storm while camped out on top of Half Dome and the subsequent trek back down in the pouring rain.

Repeatedly leaping off of a telephone pole into 12 feet of snow (a pretty damn fun thing to do, I might add).

Highway 17.

Being rear-ended by another car twice.

Rear-ending another car once.

Mescaline in the middle of Death Valley with an empty tank of gas.

Mountain climbing on psilocybin (as well as running down mountains afterwards).

Dating a Colombian girl.

Hanging out with drug-dealing gypsies in northern Italy.

Dining with a Camorra mob boss in Pompeii.

Dating a Sicilian girl.

A mugging in London (I escaped without paying them).

A rap battle tournament in which I brutally insulted men more dangerous than I (and some less dangerous than I).

A high-speed chase with the Sheriff in the Santa Cruz Mountains (I escaped and avoided imprisonment).

Being poisoned by a cougar who slipped Spanish Fly in my glass of wine without my knowledge (I had to be driven to the emergency room as I had lost all motor coordination and the ability to speak coherently; I thought that I was going to die).

A huge bite on the jaw, right above the jugular, from an injured dog that I was trying to help (I spurted blood all over my steering wheel as I drove myself to the ER).

A severe beating from a gang of belligerent ingrates (one huge guy dropped me with a sucker punch, then his friend proceeded to stomp on my face until it was unrecognizable).

Being roofied at CMC.

A four car pile-up that totalled my Honda.

A vast array of slanders, insults, and verbal abuse.

Periods of post-collegiate unemployment and the resultant poverty.

Eight years of misrule by the Bush administration.

More to come! Stay tuned...

To quote Indiana Jones: "It's not the years... it's the mileage."