Random and Largely Unrelated Thoughts Against the Machine

01.12.09

Every religion is a cult. It’s just that the bigger and older ones seem more legitimate and classy, and the newer ones seem completely ludicrous.

So I'm looking through this girl's photos on Facebook, and she is incredibly attractive. Aesthetically, she is everything I like in a woman. Then I take the time to actually read her profile, and she comes off as entirely uninteresting, inarticulate, and unread. What a let down.

That happens more than I'd care to admit.

No, I'm not talking about you. You're money, and you know it.

Unemployment is the highest it’s been in 16 years. 16 years ago, we were witnessing the end of George Bush I’s reign. Now, we are witnessing the end of George Bush II’s reign. Coincidence? I think not.

The simple fact of the matter is that Republicans always fuck up our nation’s economy, without fail.

Republicans leave office with everything in shambles and a huge disaster area in their wake. They are apparently used to having the help clean up after them, pampered aristocrats that they are.

Just like Bill Clinton cleaned up the mess left by George I, rest assured that Barack Obama is going to clean up the mess left by George II.

I used to think that v-neck t-shirts were effete, and I eschewed them completely. However, I now realize that the v-neck is classier than your average t-shirt, so I indulge in them accordingly.

A girl in a dress is twice as pretty as a girl wearing normal clothes.

I am apparently descended from one of the High Kings of Ireland. Then again, so are many Irish people.

Believe it or not, my paternal grandfather’s paternal grandfather was born in India. His father was an Irishman from Callan. We don’t know much about his mother.

My mother’s paternal grandfather was a Scotsman. His future wife was an American woman on a cruise in the Mediterranean with her boyfriend. My great-grandfather was the tour guide on that cruise, because he spoke a variety of languages. He stole my great-grandmother away from her American boyfriend and ended up marrying her.

My mom never told me much about her grandfather, except that when he was waiting for his dinner he’d yell “Where’s the bloody chickeeeennn?”

There's nothing quite like playing RISK with your uncles. I count those among the best hours in my life.

I like cats and dogs. I’m wary of people who only like one or the other, and I think that whole “cat person” vs. “dog person” thing is ridiculous. Quit making it a contest.

There is absolutely no excuse for strapping a child to the front of an armed military vehicle, using human shields as you fire on civilians armed only with stones, launching a naval attack on an unarmed medical relief boat, or bombing schools, hospitals, ambulances, and UN buildings. It is blatantly disgusting.

Our government sold Saddam Hussein his weapons, so he could use them against Iran. The CIA trained Osama bin Laden, so he could fight the Soviets in Afghanistan. And our government gave Israel their weapons, which they are using to kill civilians.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The American government, as well as private American corporations, need to stop selling and giving weapons to other nations and factions IMMEDIATELY. There should be a complete embargo on the international arms trade.

You ever feel like the entire world is ripping you off? Your employer, your government, your cable company, your phone company, your insurance company, your credit card company, the traffic courts, etc? You ever feel like all of these huge institutions are just gouging you at their leisure, and there's nothing you can do to stop them?

You can’t leave your house without your wallet. You can’t survive in this world without it. The State and the corporations that own it are so powerful that they have quietly made it mandatory to carry identification and currency with you at all times.

Which, if you think about it, are indicators of a totalitarian police state.

Employers have no right to be angry at our overworked and underpaid generation for slacking off on the web while on the clock. We merely want what the French have: A 30 hour workweek, free college education, and the affections of most of the girls from my graduating class. Why should we have any less than the French?

I need to travel to Argentina.

Growing up, I consistently felt like my family treated me like a loser and a fuck up. The way they put me down and teamed up against me betrayed an obvious lack of respect and appreciation for me. Then I would go to school, where my teachers thought I was smart and talented, and my friends thought I was funny and fun to hang out with. And I realized that my family was wrong.

I’m not trying to bag on them or anything, but maybe there are a few of you out there who can relate.

I should probably write something funny here, to keep this from turning into one of the serious ones.

A note to jean makers: please stop hurting my balls. Thanks.

Say what you will about the kilt, but the fact of the matter is that it's the only lower body garment made for men that takes into consideration external genitals as well as freedom of movement.

Girls act pretty gay sometimes. I mean, they'll prance around like complete flamers, clap their hands together with excitement, and say things like "O M G!" How gay is that?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

When I say “Barack out with your cock out,” I mean rock out and support Barack. I don’t mean throw Barack out with your genitalia exposed.

Obama’s limo: they really need to come up with something that looks sexier.

I saw some yokel driving on Highway 17 with a huge “Nobama” sticker on the back of his truck. I wanted to shoot out his tires.

It doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to consider the Earth as one giant, living organism. With this in mind, are we humans the Earth’s blood cells, perhaps its neurons? Or are we a horrible virus devouring it at an alarming rate?

We walked to the ocean on Saturday night. The moon was shining so brightly that I couldn’t see the craters on its face. The sand glowed white and luminous, as if it was casting light itself. I walked towards the sea and listened to the waves crash. For a brief moment, I felt free.